Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
