Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
