I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish I only lived at night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
