Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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