Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
