Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
