i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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