So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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