Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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