just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
