Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
