I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i already hear my dad disowning me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
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I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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