I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
