how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
