yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
