You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I love having hate sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
