Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
