I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
