she looked like the before picture.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize