I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
