I cockslap morals
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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