spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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