im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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