I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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