It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
