I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
