if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
