whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
