3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
