She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
