cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
