omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
