oh god the rape fog is back!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
