I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
