You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
