Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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