ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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