She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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