I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He better not be in your backpack
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
