with your own penis?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need to calm my uterus...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
