I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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