In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
