Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
