Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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