and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
