So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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