I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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