Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
