The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
