How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
