it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
