Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
