How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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