dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its liver damage thursday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
