Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
