Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
