College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
