Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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