Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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