remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
even my farts smell like vagina
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
