Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
