Whod you bang
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
