I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
