is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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