You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
