So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
