I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
