She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
