You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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