Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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