No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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