It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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